i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
