How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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