Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
