I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she looked like the before picture.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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