I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Two words: blizzard sex
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
