Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
