Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize