When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
