I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
