I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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