he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
