were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
