I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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