So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
