omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
