Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize