Already got asked if we're dating
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
