Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
