just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
