so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
