If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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