You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
