I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
