I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
