Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
