I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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