Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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