Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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