there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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