Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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