i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
