If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
