just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
