Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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