Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
