pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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