Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
