Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
ttyl tear gas
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
