There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
