I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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