My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
