I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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