If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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