yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
