It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
