guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
