I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
