Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
