I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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