Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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