didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
