how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
