It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
