I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
