Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
