i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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