Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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