I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
