yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
