remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
