I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just pee around me
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Randomize
