well I can't set my house on fire every night
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
