4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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